Too picky or know what I want?

Too picky or know what I want.

Most people that I know say I am picky when it comes to men, that I don’t even give them a chance. The truth of the matter is that, I know from the beginning what would happen at the end. I see a guy and I know instantly if I want to be with him or not (marriage-wise). I am sure you are wondering how. I will let you into some things about me.
One – I don’t believe in falling in love. Two – I am not your average “mushy-lovey-dovey” gal. I have never been and I will never be. Three – I am a realist. I face reality and I have never operated in the ideal world before.

With all that known about me, I will tell you how I know from the get-go, if there will be a relationship or not with a guy. I have what’s called the 10 commandments. This is a list of things (qualities) that I look for in a guy that I will eventually call my husband. Some of the CMDs can be violated, some are fixed.
Not in any particular order of priority.
Religion – Christianity
Must be open to adoption
Physique – I stand 5ft 11inches and fit. ‘Nuff said.
Position in the family – last born, only son, first boy, only child – do not apply. Lol!
Education – at least a BSc in something relevant. Even if he is a businessman, he should have something marketable. It’s like a cushion. If business no go well, he can always dust out his certificate and get a job.
He must make more money than I do. I do not care if it is $5 more.
Must be teachable.
Must be Yoruba or at least understand the language and the culture.
He must be versatile – can go from politics to medicine to sports at ease
He must be quiet and gentle. I hate men that talk too much. I am a talkative on a good day. I can’t imagine being married to one.

Now that the mystery 10 CMDs have been revealed, I hope I did not disappoint any of you, by not including good looks and richer than Bill Gates. I sure hope not.

I did say some are non-negotiable. Not in any particular order, Religion, Culture, Education, Physique, Open to adoption and Quietness make the list. I will never ever compromise on those. I don’t care how many inter-tribal or inter-religion couples that you know that have it good or great. Me, as long as I live, will not marry anyone that does not have these qualities. You might ask, is that statement not too strong? I know it is. I believe in life, we get what we go out for. If you want to settle, it is easy to do so. I am not a settler. I get what I want. I will rather remain single, than compromise on those qualities. I have plan to adopt next year.

It is quite open to all now, how I know from the on-set if it will happen between a guy and myself. I can and I have dated a Muslim, I have dated someone that is completely against adoption (FYI- most Nigerians that I have met are), I have dated someone that is not even a Nigerian, not to talk of understanding the Yoruba culture. The keyword here is dated. I can date anything and anyone. Marriage is a different ball game. Once a guy starts to talk along that line, the 10 CMDs light comes on in my head.

Most people do not believe in just dating. They say you have to date someone that you can see yourself getting married to at the end. I say bullshit. I believe we meet people in life for one reason or the other. I have had and continue to have tons of fun with my exes. I have learnt a thing or two from each of them. I am glad I met them.

In conclusion, a friend asked me the other time, if I was going to marry a Nigerian. I responded in the positive. He went on to say, he thought I was open-minded and why was I excluding others. Simply because I know what I want in a husband, does that mean I am not open minded? Am I picky because I know exactly what I want?

Living and loving my life! Thanks for stopping by!

Can't Leave 'Em Alone

I am feeling this song by Ciara feat. Fity - Can't Leave 'Em Alone. It's like I have never heard it before. It is on auto replay. I just love it.

Now, I need to go find me a corporate thug. Wonder what the definition of a corporate thug is? Ok, here is a brief definition:
He is street smart,
He is intelligent,
He can hold down a good job,
He can speak right,
He can hold his own,
He can fight, if it comes to that, to defend me.

Now, if there is a man like that out there, holla at a sista.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Small Still Voice

Listen to the voice. That small still voice, listen to it. It can save you and keep you out of trouble. I know first hand. I am getting the reward or the punishment for not listening and it is nothing but ugly. It will get better though, I am sure about that. I have asked for guidance and direction from Him, on what to do and what to say.

Listen to that voice. It could save your behind.

Couch or Guest Room?

Life is interesting. I was having some conversation with a couple of my friends and it seems we all have different view on this particular subject.

A little background story. I have a house mate or room mate or flat mate, (we’ll call him Yi), whatever it is called at your corner of the world. I did not know him until April 07. He has been living with me since then. I pay for everything, as he just arrived into the country and it takes a while to get all your paper work and stuff done. I do not mind paying for these things, because I will still have them bills, whether he is with me or not.

Now to the question at hand, I have a two-bedroom town home. Yi uses the other room, which is technically supposed to be my guest room. Now, if I have a guest, where should the guest sleep? On the couch in the living room or the guest room (Yi’s room)?

I say, my guest should sleep in the guest room and I will pleasantly tell Yi to move to the couch for the duration of the visit. It also depends on who the guest is and where he/she is coming from. I definitely would not have my friend coming from California, sleep on a couch or an airbed.

A good friend of mine said that is mean. That I am being mean to Yi. That if I don’t want my guest to sleep on a couch, that I should vacate my bed for the guest and go sleep on a couch. Now, the people that know me know very well, I don’t joke with my sleep and definitely love my bed. I am in love with my bed and so, I will definitely not vacate it, especially when there is another bed the guest can use.

So, let me have your opinion. What is the right thing to do?

Why do African men go to home to find their bride?

I was reading some articles at work and I came across a website about Nigerians in America. One of the many articles on the site is about the title of this post.

This is the comment I left:

The average African man is a provider and protector. He desires to have a wife that is caring and nurturing. Now, that is something my fellow Nigerian-American ladies don't have. There is no equality in gender. Men are men for a reason, so are the women as well. Once, you start to make a man feel less than he is, you cripple him. A man, always want to feel like a man. That does not mean, he should be a dictator. Most women in the diaspora have been brainwashed about independence and strong. I use a different word, "interdependent" - knowing when to be dependent and when to be independent.

African ladies in UK and US, start making the men around you feel like a man and they'll not go to Africa to get married. African men in UK and US, start treating your sisters with respect. It's no wonder I have enough suitors. LOL. Just my two-cents.

Before the women think I am some gullible girl that just arrived from Africa, better recognize that I got more education than most of you, but I still understand what my roles are in a marriage. Don't get it twisted.

I think the article was written in 2005. Here is the link to the article.

Happy reading. Share your comments and opinion on this very interesting topic.

Introduction

Not new to the blog world. Been reading for a long while now. Left a couple of comments on some blogs.

Just want to document things about my life. I find it a great pleasure, when I read old letters or diaries. It is always interesting reading about some things we did few years ago. Now though, they seem kinda weird to us. We sometimes don't even believe we did or said those things. This is what I intend to use this space for.

Have fun reading.